


watery music box

by omanjuu



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: 'specially since this is meant to be a shigure-centric fic, (and a lost list of reasons why i keep writing in birthright timeline shoot me), Angst, Childhood Romance, Major Spoilers for Birthright, Multi, Unrequited Love, in the meantime thought there will be, more characters and relationships will be added as the fic progresses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:59:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7112614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omanjuu/pseuds/omanjuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p><br/>"listen shigure, we're in the middle of an all out war; there's no time for love."<br/>he reaches and takes her hands again. "then when?" he asks, but that's not the question he wants to ask. </p>
</blockquote><br/>a collection of melodies hoshidans sing when in love and when not<p>i. premonition - ryoma x azura<br/>ii. return to elegance - f!kamui x azura<br/>iii. petals in the wind - shigure x f!kamui<br/>iv. you of the light - shigure x f!kamui<br/>v. lament - ???</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i. premonition - ryoma x azura

Ryoma had yet to call himself a worthy samurai when they first met.

He remembers the day as it were yesterday; the girl had been introduced to all four of the Hoshidan siblings by Queen Mikoto.

"Her name is Azura," Mikoto said, voice a tad tighter than usual. "She's a princess from Nohr, and she'll be your sister from now on."

Ryoma' siblings regarded her in their own ways: Hinoka fuming, Takumi sneering, and Sakura hiding behind Ryoma's legs, quivering with what? Distrust? But all Ryoma saw was an epitome of beauty.

He watched her leave upon dismissal, her long hair flowing behind her the way an endless river did, running fluidly across the surrounding air and leaving behind a trail of allure.

Needless to say, Ryoma found himself falling in love. His days were spent observing her from a safe distance, and evenings overflowing with hapless thoughts of everything and nothing, the last thing he sees before he was stolen by the night blue.

Weeks later, perhaps a month or so more, he finally approached her.

He remembers the day as it were yesterday; the training dummy was in tatters by the time he was finished with it. Soaked in perspiration, he sheathed his sword and made his way back to the hot springs for a shower with leisure.

That was, until a mysterious voice caught his attention.

Deep within the castle grounds, a song rippled through the air, laced with emotion Ryoma could not detect. The only thing he could was its intoxicating beauty, a voice that sang with confidence and control.

He found himself succumbing to it, calloused hands pushing apart the brambles and hardened legs bringing him, one foot in front of the other, towards the source. An uncanny silence for lively castle grounds seemed to grow as he neared, the only sign of the closing distance the proportionally growing sound of the voice.

Gradually, he could make out foreign words, and the melody of waves tempting shore. Finally, he could see a lone figure, sitting by the lakeside, her eyes shut in concentration.

"A-Azura," he said, in startled recognition, and in an instant, her song transcended into silence.

She rose at once, eyes wide and distrustful. Palms that had been flattened against the ground for support latched onto the pendant around her neck with a steely grip. "Y-you...you're Ryoma, yes? What brings you here?"

He swore he paled a little at the sound of his name leaving her lips. "Ah, w-well," he began, and cleared his throat, "I heard such an exquisite voice, and it happened to lead me to you, Azura-" her name sounds so lovely from his lips "-did it belong to you?"

Her grip on her pendant tightened.

"Ah, my apologies for having distracted you with one of my practice sessions. I didn't mean to be discovered."

"T-that must mean...have you been singing all this while? Without anyone's knowledge?"

Azura's eyes flickered away from his. "Yes."

"B-but why?" Ryoma could not put a finger on the reason. "You're blessed with such a soothing voice; why would you conceal such marvelous talent?"

Azura remained silent, the fingers around the pendant shaking slightly.

Ryoma sighed, and his gaze fell to a new area of concern.

His jaw dropped. "A-Azura," he said, voice low in alarm, "did you cut your hair?"

It were these words which, for some reason, calmed Azura. Her hands left the pendant without any semblance of self-consciousness to play with the haphazard ends of her blue, blue hair which now came up to her jaw.

"Oh," she realised, a hesitant smile stretching her lips, "yes, I just did."

"B-but why? Your hair, your voice, you...everything is simply gorgeous."

It was then he realised his breathlessness, and the fact that he had just complimented her. Blatantly.

He felt his cheeks heat up.

Azura whipped her face away from Ryoma, eyes glued to the ground. Her face burnt red as well.

"Oh, I-t-thank you, I guess," she mumbled, uncertainty laced in her voice. "It's just...Hoshidan women have such incomparable beauty, both inside and outside. And I noticed that...not many of them kept their hair long."

She twirled about a strand. "I didn't want to be one of the few who did."

Ryoma looked at her - he looked at her properly for the first time since he met her. And he finally saw something more than ideal beauty, than brilliant talent.

He saw a girl, just a few years younger than him, afraid, insecure and withdrawn of the big big world, and the bright bright Hoshido.

He asked her, rather kindly, "Do you like long hair?"

There was a heavy pause, before her head ducked slightly.

A nod.

Losing all of his prior fear, insecurities and shirking, Ryoma took her hands in his. They were soft and cool, the way he had imagined them time after time to be.

"R-Ryoma?"

"Azura," he said, gaze sharp on hers, "if I grow my hair long, will you too?"

Her lips parted slightly, and she glanced at the bristles of his brown hair.

"Y-you'll actually do that?"

"Yes!" He squeezed her hands, hoping to squeeze the timidness out of her. "I will!"

His words faded to silence, and the echo ran its course across the still castle grounds.

Then Azura smiled, smiled a smile she had never before in Hoshido, and retracted her hands. "I'll take you up on that offer then, Ryoma," she teased, hand sweeping past her short bangs and where her hair will soon grow to. "Now, I believe I've spent too much time here; Queen Mikoto will be worried. Thank you for your time, Ryoma, and I'd best be on my way!"

She turned, and as she did, Ryoma saw a sight he had never before in Hoshidan grounds, nor anywhere else for that matter.

He saw her hair, suddenly long and luscious, cascading, surrounded in an ocean of azure droplets. 'A dance,' he thought to himself, hazy, 'just like when I first saw her.'

He saw her fall to the ground, a huge dragon above and seconds away from snapping her neck. How he concealed his alarm is beyond him, but then he saw again, and for the final time, her fading away, like the little fragments of beautiful light that made up her.

"A-" he began, loud, panicked, then stopped. His hand fell back to his side, and curled into a tight fist.

(Little did he know, then and there had he a premonition.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so you might ask why am i writing so much het fic? w ELL JOKE'S ON YOU NO ONE IS HET EVERYONE IS VERY BI VERYVERY BI
> 
> that aside i'm uploading this on shigure's birthday? but i've actually been planning this for like ten years ever since my first playthrough in birthright where i unlocked b-support with shigure and fell head-over-heels,,,, the soundtrack of fire emblem has also really inspired me, and idk hopefully people will like this and hopefully i will not give up half-way? 
> 
> hehe so thank you very much for reading, and please keep an eye out for future chapters where i continue pretending that i am good at fluff and have never written angst in my life *bling bling innocence*


	2. ii. return to elegance - kamui x azura

"Hey, Kamui..."

Her words, fleeting words, are faint; faint enough for one to fail to hear it, faint enough so one would fail to hear it, and the other not mind.

Kamui hears it, and smiles. "What is it?"

Her fingers glide through Azura's gossamer strands, and with the deftness of a professional, continue twisting them, and twisting them, and twisting them. Azura, on the other hand, sits perfectly still, eyes bright with inquisitiveness at Kamui's ministrations.  


"I know I'll sound like a hypocrite when I say this," Azura begins, those round eyes never leaving the reflection of Kamui's skilled hands, "because, I'm always, always telling you never to doubt yourself, and the choice you made. But Kamui-" she sighs, and her hand reaches for Kamui's "-do you think I made the right choice?"

Kamui's hand goes cold; the locks in her hand fall limply in the air, and unravel slightly.

Then, as fluidly as always, she reaches back for Azura's hand. Their fingers interlock, naturally, as if they were meant for each other, undoubtedly. Kamui smiles, rueful at the sight.

"Marrying Ryoma?" teases Kamui, squeezing Azura's hand. "Is that the choice you made?"

Azura ducks her head in a nod. Her eyes flicker away, voice breaking the air with wavery uncertainty, "I mean, Ryoma is such an amazing man, honestly, and I've been in love with him since young. It's still beyond me how he reciprocates my feelings, and just knowing he reciprocates my feelings make me the happiest girl in Hoshido. But, it's just, I...do you think I am worthy of marrying Ryoma?"

The words tumble out of Kamui's mouth in a flash, "Of course! Why would you say such a thing? Why would anyone say otherwise? Azura, you are the most precious person to me - I love you so much - and you deserve the world. And if Ryoma is your world-" it is here where Kamui swallows hard, and blinks "-then you deserve him, no doubt about it!"

Words words words, they ring in the air like tinkling Hoshidan charms, and leave the two girls in the abandoned room silent, one certain and the other not.

"I see," Azura says, and her lips curve into a not-at-all rueful smile. "There is much truth in what you say, as always Kamui. Thank you, I'm honestly grateful for you, for meeting you and being with you. I need not doubt myself Kamui, for I am blessed with your love and Ryoma's."

Having appeased Azura, Kamui returns to the remaining touches of Azura's braid. As she fastens it together in completion, Azura says, "I love you, Kamui. I want you to know that."

"What are you saying?" goes Kamui, laughing a little. She withdraws her hands. "You should reserve you 'I love you's for your husband, you know?"

"But I really-"

"Hush, Azura: today is your day, not mine. Look at yourself," Kamui pauses, guiding Azura's gaze to the cracked mirror, where even shards could not confine her love, and her beauty. Azura's bangs are combed aside, and her hair is in an intricate braid that accentuates her simple wedding dress. "Camilla was the one who taught me how to do it. Isn't it fitting, a Nohrian braid for a Nohrian princess?"

"Fitting," echoes Azura, cheeks pink.

Kamui nods emphatically. "Fitting, indeed! Now Azura, it's time for your return to elegance!" With a flourish, she guides Azura to the door, and out of the room, where the other three Hoshidan siblings are waiting.

"What about you, Kamui?" Azura asks, her voice aching.

Kamui waves her away.

"I still need to tidy the room and get myself ready," she says. "Take care of her, alright guys?"

Hinoka chuckles. "Of course, Kamui."

They leave, the only sign of their presence the long loose strands of Azura's hair that had fallen out from Kamui's thorough brushing; flowing, flowing, flowing.

Kamui collects them in the dustpan, and she feels her heart wrench. No, she mustn't fall here. No, she mustn't cry here. Not when she knows Felicia and Jakob are on their way to help her once Azura raises it to them. Not when she knows it's Azura's - her best friend - wedding day.

Azura's blue, blue, gossamer-like hair twine together, twine into a web, a web of stories, of love, of lies.

"'I love you, Kamui,'" Kamui repeats. Her teeth clatter against one another. "She said she loved me, but she-" her voice catches in her throat "-doesn't love me the way I love her."

For a princess locked away in a fortress that, looking back, seems like paradise, being denied what she has always been given - attention, devotion, love - hurts; it hurts like hell.

Dried tears rim the corners of Kamui's glassy eyes. The Hoshidan morning sun is bright and whole against the blackness of her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asiodfhvas i've edited this ten million times but i still don't like it im cry,,, unrequited love is aight don't you think??
> 
> (also let's not talk about the cringy insert of song name bc i really did think 'return to elegance' fit kamui's feelings for azura v well hheehe)


	3. iii. petals in the wind - shigure x kamui

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo,,, it's been a month huh.
> 
> i dont think anyone cares that much otl but yeah i finally tried my hand at fluff and metaphors so i hope you enjoy it as much as i did lolol bc very soon i doubt this would be enjoyable //shot
> 
> isn't shigs the best son (°◡°♡).:｡

His name is Shigure, and he never dreamed that he would weep like a baby ever again.

The wind blows his matted bangs away from his wet eyes, a testament to the tears gushing down his cheeks, the mucus running down his nose, the hollow scream caught in his throat.

He's a right mess.

"Run," they screamed at him, "Shigure, run!"

They screamed at him, and he'd never, ever forget the life fading out of their worn eyes as their defenseless chests were hacked open with axes or rained upon with arrows.

He runs, he runs; he flies, he flies, out of the Deeprealms he knows will be his home no more, and into the world he knows next to nothing of.

Even his mother's cool arms that wrap around him the way they did when he was a baby fail to calm the body wracked with hoarse sobs. He raises his naginata, filled to the brim with a half-hearted will to fight, but sets it when he hears her voice.

"You must be Shigure," she says, kneeling down to look him in the eyes. "I've heard wonders of you from your mother, and am truly grieved to hear what has happened to you. But I promise-" she lays a hand on his shoulder, and now his chest is heavy but no longer empty "-that I will - we will - avenge you."

She unsheathes her sword and steps forward, her eyes blazing with fire he'd never seen before.

The battle is short, yet it is a sufficient lifetime for Shigure. He observes her, from high up in the heavens, tucked in the clouds away from sight. He observes her wield the Yato with zeal, with certainty, with dexterity, rendering all before her helpless. He observes her transform into a massive, menacing dragon, and strike the Boss with the fierceness of a thousand lions, and tower over his body, bloody, triumphant.

He knows who she was without a doubt; Kamui, his mother's dearest friend, and the One.

 

Weeks later, perhaps a month or so more, she finally approached him.

He remembers the day as it were yesterday; a fine spring morning, the Hoshidan cherry blossoms dancing in the fresh breeze. His Pegasus had been a little frisky due to the good weather, and his body was abuzz, in perfect synchronisation which the nature about him.

Her voice drifts over, sighing like a special cherry blossom. "You have an exquisite voice."

He turns to her in a flash, and blushes deeply. "O-oh, thank you kindly," he brushes away the compliment, fiddling with his fingers, "Did I happen to distract you?"

"No." She grins. "I was just wondering when I can finally see who in the army has a voice just as magnificent as Azura's; it's no surprise that it's her son."

He laughs, unbelievably happy that his singing - a mere shadow of Azura's - was compared to his talented mother's.

His Pegasus lands beside her, and the two rest underneath the largest cherry blossom tree in the sprawling Hoshidan castle. Question after question is initiated by Kamui, and Shigure does his best to answer her about the Deeprealms, about his mother, about him.

He feels a little light-headed; here he is, the luckiest man he knows to finally be able to talk to Kamui, the One, His One. Her sparkling eyes remind him of her youth, and he pushes the thought that they should be separated by at least a nineteen year difference into the darkest corner of his mind.

Shigure's Pegasus whinies, and nuzzles into Kamui. "Look at that, she likes you," Shigure notes.

"Really?" says Kamui, excited. She strokes his Pegasus' snout. "I've always found Hoshidan Pegasus to be magnificent creatures, truly. They're a lot like Nohrian horses-" she sighs "-I haven't ridden one in ages."

Shigure's ears prick up. "Well," he begins, clearing his throat, "perhaps you'd like to come with me..."

"H-huh?"

The tips of his ears feel unbearably hot, but he forces himself to look straight into her eyes. "I mean, would you like to come with me for a ride? And I could sing - I mean, only if you'd like to listen..."

He trails off when he notices the incandescent glow in Kamui's eyes, and when she grabs his hands with vigor.

"Oh Shigure, I'd love to! When are you able to?"

Kamui is a whirlwind; she latches onto his emotions, stealing them from the box within him and unleashing them into an explosion of petals.

The petals in the wind scatter about him, graze his cheeks and tickle his palms. He finds a strange strength within him, the strength they had promised only the One could give him, and his heart flutters inches from his lips.

Bold words spill from his lips, and before he knows it, they're meeting tomorrow.

"It's a date," Kamui confirms cheekily, and she shoots up. "Well, thanks for everything Shigure! Looking forward to it!"

She runs off for her duties with a spring in her step; gales of laughter and cherry blossom echo in her wake.


	4. iv. you of the light - shigure x kamui

Once upon a time, in a land long devoured by monsters, there was a boy with a voice of gold. He was lavished with the life of a king and the freedom of gods, but every night after his bath, he was propped up on the Elder's knee like the boy he truly was.

"Tell me about the One," he'd beg every night. The Elder would laugh and comply.

And so every night, he was bestowed with stories of fates, of dreams, of love. The One recurs in all these tales, as a beautiful young maiden, as a crafty top crook, as an aspiring hero; Shigure was madly in love.

"Tell me about my One," was his other plea, and too the Elder would laugh and comply.

"She's gorgeous," he commented, his withered gaze anatomising every crease and crinkle of Shigure's palm, "and she has burning eyes. Intelligent, dynamic...but also innocent and sensitive. The two of you are a perfect fit."

Shigure curses himself for having ever doubted the Elder's promising divination for even a second; right now, it was perfect.

Her arms are wrapped around his waist snugly, casually, something he had never dared to dream of that fateful day. He can feel her press against his back, the contact sending thrills down his spine. And the words that leave her lips and are only for his ears - oh, they are everything and nothing at the same time, conversations he had craved.

"I wanted to fly to the moon when I was young," Kamui says, fingers tracing stars on Shigure's sides. "Y'know, I'd look up from Castle Krakenburg, and dream of the thousands of places I'd venture to; most of all, I wanted to fly to the moon."

Shigure laughs, and his bangs swoop to the side. "What a coincidence, it was my childhood dream to capture the moon. I wanted to catch it with my two hands, and keep it in my pocket."

This makes Kamui laugh too. She rests her head on Shigure's back, babbling away, "Aren't we strange little children? Can't say I'm any better now, though."

Their conversation melts into silence, but then Kamui's arm slips away from Shigure, and find their way up his body. He sucks in his breath when they wander over to his chin, and she takes it, tugging him over to face her.

"Has anyone ever told you," she asks, gaze so intent on Shigure he thinks he might burst into flames, "that your eyes are a pair of moons?"

He blinks hard, and all of a sudden her hand caresses his temple. "N-never," he tells her, turning away timidly. "They must just be reflecting the moon tonight."

"Hmm," goes Kamui. Shigure's Pegaus whinnies, as if maybe the moonlight had shone down and illuminated the song of his heart.

 

"Be brave, Shigure."

These are words belonging to his past as well. His vassal would utter them with a knowing grin, but being the non-confrontational person he is, Shigure runs away from them.

Today, he decides he wouldn't.

He and Kamui lay by the grassy plains, gazing up at the countless pinpricks studding the night sky. His Pegasus frisks in the distance, the only sound in the distance are the chirping of insects, and the hum that buzzes from his throat like an orchestra.

"Do you remember the first day you brought me to the waterfall?" Kamui begins. She stretches and her hand ends up in Shigure's damp palm. "The rainbow here was simply stunning; I'd never forget that sight for the rest of my life. But this view of the stars and the moon-" she breathes out, and from the corner of his eye Shigure admires the luminosity of her skin (she's too beautiful) "-it's completely different from the nights I spend stargazing alone. Heh, it's the most beautiful thing I've seen in my life."

"Me too." Shigure takes in a deep breath, those three words ringing in his chest as he continues, "Maybe it's because I'm with you tonight, Lady Kamui."

Kamui makes a sound of amusement. "Oh Shigure, you're making me blush."

She isn't lying. Her cheeks glow a shade rare to his eyes, and he makes up his mind.

"Hey, Kamui..."

Kamui cocks her head, watching as Shigure sits up and rests his chin on his hands. She smiles. "What is it?"

"I..." It's so difficult right now, to put the yearning of his heart to feel her skin, to run through her hair, to kiss her lips into words. They're too brash, too foreign, and he struggles to define what can't be.

She teases him, "You?"

He tries a different approach. "Have you heard of the One?"

The bemused look on her face suggests otherwise, and he finds himself relax as he explains what has always been.

"The Elder in my Deeprealms used to tell me stories about the One all the time. The One is supposed to be the love of your life - a soulmate of sorts, perhaps - but more so of someone who is One with you - your heart beats, your bodies, your futures, all synchronized. Someone who'll be there with you forever..."

"That sounds wonderful!" Kamui exclaims. "What a poetic idea! Oh wow, I've never thought of my One! What about you?"

Shigure blushes a painful scarlet. "I think I've found her."

The way Kamui reacted, he would have thought he announced that he had single-handedly convinced Nohr cease all war with Hoshido. "Really? I'm so happy for you! Who is she? Is it Sophie? She's really cute, and good with horses too! You'll be a fantastic pair! Oh, what about Mitama? Both of you are super talented and would complement each other well! It's got to be Mitama! Oh wait, Caeldori is a pretty good fit too..."

"Kamui!" he blurts out, and she trails off. "No, my apologies, but...it's you."

"Huh?"

It's terribly difficult to maintain eye contact with Kamui, but he balls up his knuckles and observes his reflection in the eyes painted with confusion. "It's you. You're my One, Kamui. I..." 'Be brave, be brave, be brave' "...I love you."

She doesn't say a word, and then her face pales ashen white, as if he'd hit a switch that spiraled her to a hundred eighty degree change.

"Ha ha, what are you talking about?" Kamui feigns it with a laugh, but Shigure sees thinly disguised emotions, and feels sick to his stomach. "Is this a joke?"

Shigure is hurt. "It's not."

"You've got to be kidding. Me, of all the people in the Hoshidan army? I'm not special, Shigure; I'm much older than you and I'm nothing like those of your age."

"But we are the same age!" argues Shigure, and his hand shoots out and grabs Kamui's. "I was born in this time, raised in the Deeprealms, able to meet you all because of fate! We...we are meant to be. I love you, truly, from the bottom of my heart. Is it that you love me not?"

His words shake with sincerity, but if they struck with Kamui, it does not show. It makes her recoil even more, and withdraw her hand from Shigure.

"Listen, we're in the middle of an all out war; there's not time for love, Shigure."

He reaches and takes her hands again. "Then when?" he asks, but that is not the question he wants to ask.

The question - the questions, are buried deep in his forlorn eyes, is concealed by the soft bag of skin as he grasps her hand, is aching, pulsating, rattling deep in his chest.

'Who is it? Why is it not me? Do you love him? Does he love you? Why is it not-'

"N-not now. Not ever. Not until this is over. Shigure, let's...let's not get involved."

"But why not?" he begs, squeezing her hands with utmost sincerity. "I love you so dearly, Kamui. I love everything about you: your kindness, your thoughtfulness, your selflessness. I doubt anyone could love you the way I do. Please, just give me a c-"

She's never screamed at him before; it startles him. "Shigure!"

He drops her hands, his own tingling. Kamui doesn't meet his eyes, just bleats away, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Nothing she says registers within him as everything crumbles down. He catches a whiff of cherry blossom from that day, and he knows it is all over.

Maybe he was right after all; his eyes aren't moons, but simply reflect his longing for the moon the way they reflect his longing for the One.

Her eyes reflect her One.

Kamui blinks, and Shigure finds himself staring into the face of his mother. 

"Azura..." It's with one name of realistion, rolling in his mouth like something foreign, something familiar, something far-fetched, that the once mismatched puzzle pieces align, and Shigure knows he hits jackpot. The shock is near audible in Kamui's gasp, and if Shigure just concentrates, he will be able to feel her heart hammering away twenty times harder than ever.

"It's not me you shower with attention," he murmurs, "but it's Azura."

"No, no..."

"It's not me that you are to let loose with, but it's Azura's son."

"Shigure, you're-"

"It's not who I am that you love," he says, struggling to put out the tears in his voice, "but what I am."

Her silence jabs deep into his skin, and he can't see her anymore.

"I'm sorry," she begins. Her voice is more clogged up than his. "I-I can't. I want to, but every time I look at you, I see her. I just-"

"Do you wish I never existed?"

The gentleness of his voice contrasts starkly with her abrupt jolt. "What do you mean? Of course I don't. I don't..."

He asks again, and his hand finds hers for the last time, "Do you?"

The moon is full and bright tonight, and there's not a cloud in the sky. It's questionable why he feels a warm droplet on his hand as she nods, and his heart shatters into thousands of tiny fragments.

This time, his hand slides away from hers, limp, cold and void.

Shigure blinks back tears, and the next thing he knows is that Kamui is ten, twenty, thirty meters away from him, tearing away into the distance like the crazed monster she is.

"Kamui! You," he bellows, barren of disguises, "you of the light, walk a path neither black or white. I will follow you to the ends of time, till your grey purges my light. So give me a chance..."

He falls to his knees, and the tears gush down his cheeks, a torrential downpour he never anticipated. He cries until he loses consciousness to the thundering of hooves in the distance and the concerto of his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to kms evernote deleted like half of what i wrote so if something feels cheap it is cheap
> 
> (lolol i initially had a kiss somewhere but it was deleted and i didnt feel like subjecting myself and my gay girl to it so eh)
> 
> next chapter might take another ten years bc my exams are in early october AHAHA motivate me mary


	5. v. lament - ???

If there's one thing Shigure can be certain of, it's that he will never lament this hard ever again, nor will she.

After King Garon's defeat, there was a myriad of emotions and events that soured to a blandness in the roof of his mouth. Hoshido and Nohr celebrates in the victory of justice and righteousness, for the coming of equality and happiness, yet amidst the festivity tragedy lurks.

She grieves for the demise of the love of her life, for the loss of something that perhaps never truly existed. Night after night, the Hoshidan castle is plagued with unintelligible screams and sobs that they pretend not to hear over the symphony of success, but Shigure does.

"Kaze," is often the first groan of the night, and the body slumped against the door which guards Kamui from the rest of the cruel, cruel world jerks. "No... don't go. Lilith! Lilith, come back, I haven't - Elise! Stop, Xander, I-" around this juncture her voice shrills, and Shigure yearns to break past the door and rescue her with his grasp, but he stills "-Xander! Xander, you can't leave me... not you. Not you..."

There's nothing more pitiful than the wails ringing through the night, and Shigure takes a strange comfort in that, until the final name escapes her lips. "Azura..."

A calamity crashes through the night and shatters within Shigure; he has to reel back from the impact. He picks himself up and stumbles his way back to his room, he shuts the door and tucks himself in bed, he closes his eyes and counts - one, two, three, f- but Azura chatters away in his ear like the devil, and in the pits of the night Shigure wonders who the true insomniac is: he or Kamui.

It wasn't supposed to have been this way.

Shigure turns, and his red-rimmed eyes try to make light of the battle wounds etched on his hands. They weren't there before. The hand which held Kamui's had been smooth and elegant, not calloused and bruised.

Then again, he can't really remember. Night time introspection drains out his soul, until the only thing tethering him through day after day is sheer willpower, dying out with a wheezing pitter-patter. There is no time to ponder on love and what should have been, but the shell of a brain will always make time for it.

The Elder had promised him that life was beautiful and love was requited, and the shock of the realisation that they could be anything but stung sharper than a slap. "Then what is love?" he whispers. The sheets are wrung and wet. "Is it supposed to make your chest this heavy? Mother, it hurts-" around this juncture his voice catches in his throat, and Shigure yearns for Azura to hold him in her arms again and shroud him in innocence "-I can't breathe, I'm sinking like a rock and I can't-

"-float."

 

Then there are abysmal days when Shigure wonders if he really is in love with Kamui. If you love someone, do you pursue them endlessly and chase them into a dead end, to convince them that their happiness lies with you? Or do you accept the fact that they are happier without you, even though you can see them suffocate with the shards of a broken love pricking the insides of their throat? Hell, does Shigure even care for Kamui's happiness?

He's spent years pushing his ideals onto someone he barely even knows. Shigure can't deny that he hurts when he feels the misery emanate off her pores, but is he certain that this be genuine worry for the one he cares for, or some fabricated form that has twisted him into an unfeeling monster?

There are so many questions he has to ask, and so many answers he has to know; clearly, staring at an empty sunset isn't exactly the way to go. It's Prince-no, King Ryoma's coronation night, yet here he is, in the middle of woods of the Hoshidan castle grounds after sneaking away from the festivity. An eternal pool ripples before him, and the reflection is pale, listless and surrounded by an air of gloom. His hands are hard and scarred against the wet soil.

'When in doubt, sing it out,' was one of the sayings Azura had left behind for him, and so he tries. "You are the ocean's grey waves..." His voice trembles an octave and falters. It's not as sonorous as it used to be, even he can tell that. His fingers fumble against his throat, and wander; wonder what else he lost in this war.

"You are the-"

On the other bank of the pond, there comes a rustle, and light footsteps that Shigure wishes he never learnt to distinct. His voice catches in his throat, and from the foliage emerges Kamui as if fate had it such. Even from a distance Shigure is in awe; there is a lovely expression softening her features, one which makes her eyes shine and little ears twitch. It's an expression reserved for Azura, and Shigure can tell she's here searching for her with hope that lifts her, and the soil in his palms are dampened from his sweat.

She's not here, Kamui. She's dead.

Yet he cannot deny that he is in love with the face she makes as she stands by the bank, a silly smile brimming with heartache, hope, happiness and so much more. Her lips dip and quirk as she chatters away, eyes never leaving the surface of the pond. She's so pretty, it's as if he's seeing her for the first time again. It reminds him how much he wants to hold her and kiss her and be with her and...oh. It looks like Shigure has found his answer, then everything falls into place.

Shigure gets up and calls for his kinshi. Kamui is still in a reverent trance that the outside world cannot disturb, so the fluttering of feathers do little to divert her attention.

"Let's go."

His kinshi croons, and he gets on. It thrusts its wings, and they fly higher, higher, to a place that they can be. Shigure feels his heart, and believes that one day this pain will blow by and he will be free. Until then, he can only lament.

The wind sighs in agreement, and the feathers of his kinshi scatter like golden raindrops. One finds its way into Kamui's hand and she holds it curiously; the rest will never find their way to her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in all honesty, i really wanted to finish this and cannot believe it took me six months to do so. nevertheless, it has been an interesting ride to the end of 2016. tbh i wrote this projecting unrequited love onto shigure seeing how in love he was with the MU even though i had her married to jakob in my first playthrough, but then the more i thought about it, the more similar his plight seemed to mine rip what you doing???
> 
> i never knew how to properly end this; i always knew shigure would flee, but i never really thought why. i never knew what happens after unrequited love? what do you do? but it goes away, like the evening sun, and you can live in the paradise of twilight without heartache. i'm glad i've found my answer, and i hope shigure has found his too.
> 
> but enough about me!!! let's celebrate actually finishing this, and closing a chapter to another failed shots <3 thank you for reading, and i wish you all the best in life.


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